20 Helpful Hints for Women To Reach Orgasm

Just as I am about to orgasm I fall off the cliff. I feel like there is something wrong with my clitoris. It is if it hides once it has been stimulated about two minutes. I had a hystorectomy at age 27. I am now 44 years old. Can I get this surgically fixed? I recently married and it is becoming a problem in my relationship.

ANSWER

In your additional information you told me that you went to a clinic to deal with this when you were 20. You learned about masturbation and relaxation techniques and had 6 orgasms but none since the hysterectomy or maybe "little ones." It is a normal physiological response that the tissue around your clitoris engorges during sexual stimulation. Therefore, the fact that your clitoris tends to hide after a few minutes of stimulation is completely normal. I would not recommend any surgical attempts to correct this since you may end up having problems with injured nerves important for feeling sensations in your clitoris. Also, surgeries not always have their wished for outcome.

I can highly recommend the new book The Clitoral Truth by Rebecca Chalker, ISBN: 1-58322-038-0. It has some very good illustrations and some readers may be surprised to find out that the clitoris is not only a tiny organ but that most of the clitoral organ is hidden. Although invisible, these parts are still subject to penile, manual or other type of stimulation. Once you see these illustrations you may be encouraged to start exploring different sexual positions in order to try to stimulate parts of your internal clitoral organ in new ways. Have you tried the superior position, sitting on top of your husband and facing him? I would suggest that you experiment with different positions. The fact that your clitoris hides does not mean that it is impossible to stimulate.

It is hard to know whether your hysterectomy has had anything to do with your difficulties with reaching orgasm. While many women continue to have a satisfying sex life including orgasms after hysterectomy it is certainly possible that some nerves important for your orgasmic response were somehow injured during or after surgery. You said that you might have had small orgasms since. I always ask a woman who has never or rarely had orgasms what she thinks it will be like. Some women expect an altered state of consciousness and seeing fireworks. Although this might be the case under some circumstances I believe that it is important to realize that some orgasms are very brief and not very intense. Try not to focus so much on reaching orgasm but simply enjoy what is happening between you and your husband. Do not make it a goal to reach orgasm. The less you focus on such a goal the bigger are your chances that it will happen out of the blue.

You mentioned that you use self-stimulation as a form of self-help. I think you are doing the right thing and I encourage you to continue to explore your body. Rebecca Chalker's book might motivate you even more to try to discover the hidden parts of your clitoris!

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Just As I am About to Orgasm I Fall off the Cliff